Rebellious Teens

       

Most of you here don’t know me… Well at least the ones that belong to hub pages. For me my memories are as fresh as they have ever been. Most still cut pretty deep hitting home as I look back into the pages of a chapter I already closed.

Who among you remember what it was like to be a wayward child on your way from innocence to adolescence? Do you remember how rated pg-13 was no longer pg in fact life began to turn from pg-13 to R-rated as quickly as a pencil dropped in a hat.

This is a true story, but in the same sense ill let you enter the mind of a teen troubled and torn apart by the very family that brought him into this world. What created a writer and a dreamer left wounds that will never heal.

So for the faint of heart and the ones who don’t like to see the world turned upside. Please don’t read on this isn’t something that puts a light touch to reality, but crash course into a world “my world.”

 

Wasn’t long ago Just a couple years that I had turned 13. My mom and dad had been split for about 7 years to count. Mostly the days were long and dull as I watched my father slip into the arms of another woman. Slowly waning away from me I was no longer his son. Yep I could see it I had become just another mouth to feed.

Hey I was a pessimistic at heart , even at a young age I saw the reasons rationally. Why dad left mom why I would have left if it was me in his shoes. At least he took me, least I was still his golden child.

Shortly afterwards I found myself face to face with the devil herself. She was the wicked step mom to a capitol T. From the glares she gave me to the way she made me feel like absolute shit. That wasn’t even the half of it. You think you know, but you have no idea.

Mother she hated me all she could see was my fathers eyes, my dads personality to the core. I was my dad at least at heart and soul. The way I talked the way I walked the jokes I made I was him personified. A complete carbon copy personality wise.

Here’s the jist of things… before my teenage years. I was a mistake my mother was 17 years old when she had me and she definitely wasn’t ready to be a mom. My father was a drunken fool who had made his bed when he laid with her. Both of them just wanted out of their responsibilities to continue living their lives the way it “should have been”.

Now, now I know your thinking he’s exaggerating right? How could anybody be so uncompassionate for their own flesh and blood. I thought the same thing each and every day I woke up in that nightmare I called life.

Now I was a bookworm to the core. Hardcore grade A nerd until high school of course here in this small town you carry that title even after the bottle cap glasses come off and the personality changes. You see I started fighting at an early age. Finally I was kicked from the “ghetto” the schools where us trash grow up.

Thrown into a prep school of my darling baby sis’s and I had no common ground. We talked different we walked different we even looked at the world differently. They saw rainbows and butterflies I saw overdoses, drive by shootings and no way out.

You had to fight for what you got in school if you didn’t you’d be picked on. Especially if you were the skinny little white boy. Not saying that all schools are like that, but this one in particular made life easier knowing I could fight.

In the bad school I fit in just fine every one knew me by name no one picked on me and I had a lot of friends. But, when I was thrown out into a preps world. I found a whole new set of bullies, I found the life of a loner with no escape, but a book.

This is where the dreamer was born and the hard ass began to die. Yeah now here I am sitting in my room every day. Staring at the ceiling not wanting to leave my only refuge. Outside those doors was my father and his “wife”. Out there was a school of no friends. Luckily people left me alone after they found out I could fight… but at the same time. Well you get used to not having anyone… Being left out on everything, no girlfriend no life god why did you even have me conceived.

 

Maybe your that father or maybe your that mother. Perhaps your even the teenager going through the hell I saw. The first time my father socked me in the stomach I slammed the door in his face. It didn’t hurt not the blows to my stomach. It was my pride that hurt I loved him so much I respected the man more than anyone. I practically Idolized dad to a T. I wanted more than anything to be him, to be as cool as dad was. Maybe then I’d have friends or at least a girlfriend huh? That wouldn’t be so bad.

My mother finally got into the routine of trying to buy my love. Yep instead of apologizing and having that moment of I’m sorry I was wrong I got expensive gifts thrown at me. Hey who was I to throw away an offer like that.

A computer was slammed onto a desk in front of me. There was everything even internet set up for me. Yep I wasn’t giving that up! Didn’t I mention Electronics were my toys I loved them ha-ha I would get so geeked up over taking one apart and putting it back together. Even destroyed a ps2 I bought just to see how it ticked.

The monitor became a place of solitude. My fortress from the world outside. Yeah I found a nice little place to chat online. Looking over the shoulders of some kids at high school it was called student center.org. Funny part was I was such a loser even the nerds wouldn’t come around me. I found out quickly that the older kids would be my friends. But soon they’d graduate and leave me to the wolves. Yeah there was one I remember his name ill never forget 6’4 200 pounds of raw muscle. “Joseph Vandenburgh” my personal bully.

Wasn’t until one day he punched me in the back that we got into a real fight. Now he’d have wooped my ass on the account I was a skinny little guy. Except I had experience my forearms were bruised blue from blocking his punches to my face. I managed to land a blow right between the ribcage where it splits off knocking the wind right out of him. Call it luck.. I still do.

His eyes filled with tears. That was it he backed off his words to this day I wont forget. Pointing at me he said trying not to cry as he backed away.

“Your lucky I’m on probation otherwise id kill you”

Yeah, but I felt good one day out of the year I wasn’t being called a loser. Called a name. You know even some of the teachers looked at me like a loser? Do you know how that feels? I sure do…

Things started to change a bit my hair grew longer I slicked it back, the contacts went in and I dressed in all black. Not like a goth no I was sagging my pants wearing silver chains. I traded my books for a couple blades. In fact I changed my attitude for a piece of ass and something to say.

Yeah this small town saw me as a loser, but there was another quite close. Its there I found a girlfriend. Though by then I was anti-social. You see it wasn’t planned in fact quite the opposite. That day I planned to kill myself.

Perfect plan at least my teenage mind said so. Depression had hit hard and even though I changed everything about myself. My image was set in stone somewhat my personality was no longer the same and I was screwed six ways to Sunday.

I wont tell you the plan I’m not giving anyone some ideas. Online I was saying goodbye to friends I met over the student chat center. Kat, Mimi, Shima lotta girls who were pretty cute and if only I had lived in one of their states maybe my life would have been better huh.

Its then I met her a message from a girl alex.

“Hey you wanna be friends” she instant messaged me.

“um sure but im not into guys only into girls kay” I replied quickly.

“Helloooo im not a guy im a girl duh” she replied back just as quickly.

“ohm so whats you’re a/s/l” I asked now interested.

“18/f/Cali” she wrote

The convo went on and on… before I knew it was trapped like a rat in a cage. Naturally I lied told her I was 16 yrs old not 13 and I could pull it off with the way I looked at that age. We uh fell through puppy love. We fell through love… and finally she found out I was no 16 yr old but a 13 yr old just turning 14. A year had passed and it was too late. Too late for her to say no to me she was in too deep and so was I.

She knew every time my father and I were at each others throats. She saw my depression and the way I wrote poems at that age. She saw my soul into the depths of who I was at that age and for this particular girl shed watch me grow into an adult. First as a girlfriend and then somehow shed raise me through the net. Lex became a goddess to me a girl who could to no wrong even if it was capital murder.

 

So the story goes boy meets girl they fall in love and they live happily ever. Not so, the distance along with my shitty life ate at me. Mother was still throwing expensive gifts my way father ignored me completely didn’t even recognize his own son anymore. My step sister would get lavish expensive gifts while I worked from 13 yrs old to 18 for my grandfather saving money buying my own clothes.

Of course Dad kicked me out of the house around 15 ½ give or take some time. I was now living with a girl I met a while back. We started dating and oh my god she was hot. I couldn’t believe she wanted me out of all the guys out there. Wed find ourselves together for almost six years. Her mother became my own. They raised me under their own roof and though me and Lex were no longer together we talked on the computer when I was at school.

Id go directly to work after that and have my grandfather drop me off on some random block corner. From there id walk half a mile home the family didn’t know that I was living with my girlfriend and my family really hated… I hated my family so what did I care.

I lost my virginity to this girl we were like rabbits out there anywhere anyhow wherever we could behind everyone’s backs. I fell in love with love. The feeling of someone needing me someone loving me back was so good to me. Ma and pa never gave a damn and now I had someone confiding in me laying in my arms whispering how much I meant to her.

I found liquor and drugs , I found a world of escape. Slipping away from the reality that was my own. I could give a damn what anyone thought no one gave a damn about me. In reality I wanted to hurt myself I wanted to hurt myself because I believed it would hurt my father.

I didn’t care what my mom thought it was always dad, he had been there all the way to the age of 11 or so and then bam. He traded his own blood in for a piece of ass. I couldn’t I didn’t have the guts to kill myself no matter my depression spells. Death was a desire, but I saw it as losing id be giving in to what god wants id be letting him win throwing in the towel. I couldn’t not anymore it was too late I was so far in.

Instead liquor and drugs put me under their spell my grades slipped and I got kicked out of 3 high schools winding up in a juvenile delinquent charter school. I was lucky enough not to have ever been locked up. But, it didn’t mean back then I didn’t deserve it. Because as bad ass as I was I would be nothing in there id learn my lesson quick.

The hard truth is especially for those who know me… some of me was made a lot more grandeur to forget a bitter past and broken heart. Wasn’t a girl that broke my heart but my own flesh and blood my idol my dad.

For every day I breathe and wonder why. To this day I still watch as dreams slip through my fingers like sand. I watch as I begin to rebuild my life and watch it torn back from under me. My only question is why god? Why cant I get ahead.

 

Advice for those of you that are parents. Don’t let your child slip away from you. Don’t turn your back for another man or woman. Don’t throw your kids in the depths of hell. Though you may believe you know what goes on in schools and in their personal life.

There’s a lot you don’t know there’s a lot weighing on their teenage shoulders. Guide them be there for them even if it makes you “un-cool” they may think that now, but at this age they’d be grateful you were there for them and put them in a position with a “real” future. I know I wished mine had I’m stumbling and falling over myself all the time trying to find solid ground in life. This recession has burned me pretty bad and I don’t have mommy and daddy to go cry to. They never will be here for me they never have both got what they wanted. I can only be a better dad for my little girl I can only learn from their mistakes and pray that I am everything and more that my daughter needs.

My Advice to you out there struggling through high-school through the pains or similar circumstances. Don’t find a way out through drugs or girls or guys. Put your nose in those books get a diploma get a scholarship. Build yourself a future. Do your best try and talk to your parents if you haven’t.

Do your best in life because drugs, women , guys you find real quick will leave you empty handed after school. You don’t want to be flipping burgers or doing every crummy job for a measly pay that only lets you scrape by. I promise you things will get better for you go for that scholarship go for that degree and stick to it!

Sincerely,

A troubled teen still growing at the age of 23